My Mother was my KILLER

Growing up I was raised by my mother. Being her child was like a task to me. I always had to be better than my two sisters. It was like a competition and I had to bet them to the punch at everything I did. My mom always told me that I was going to be that one child that becomes something in life other than my other two sisters. I had to cover up my emotions and try to mold myself into this woman that my mom wanted me to become. So in my eyes I have to be the better outlet in every situation possible.                                      

I had to make sure that everything I did so far in life would be excepted in her eyes even if that meant me not being happy. My emotions became numb and I was only satisfied if I felt I achieved up to her expectations. I never could wrap my mind around why my mother feels it’s necessary to push me into what she feels is best. What happens to what I feel is best for myself and future. I just think that she wants me to do better than what she is because even though she works in the medical field she’s still struggling financially. In some ways I can understand why she wants me to achieve at a higher level than her. She see something in me that I can’t seem to find within myself.

 I feel as if my mom wanted to live through me. This has really affected me as a person because it is like I always have to  put myself first instead of other people. I become selfish and inconsiderate when it comes down to certain situations. I want to be the best Caitlin that I can be. But it is hard when my mind is on my accomplishments and who I want to become.When I look in the mirror I can clearly see that I am not happy with myself. How can I change this emotion? Should I change my surroundings and free myself from my own mother.

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